Desperate times call for desperate measures

Well, it looks like the rosy times are over. Bryan and I recently returned from a trip of a lifetime - two child free weeks holiday stopping off in Hawaii on our way to Canada in order to attend a good friends' wedding in Vancouver. When we booked the trip back in October 2014, we didn't know if we would actually get there as June 2015 seemed like such a long way down the track and we had so many hurdles to overcome with my health first. However, the week before we were due to go, we were given the all clear from my Oncologist, she loaded me up with steroids and some other back pocket medications and off we went. I was thrilled to be able to go, and even more thrilled that my health held out as well as it did while we were away. The steroids seemed to keep me in an almost permanent state of "up" and gave me the appetite to enjoy all the deliciousness we were surrounded by and we were delighted to be able to share our friends' special day with them as well as see the sights and enjoy the Canadian summer.

Upon our return, and coming back off the steroids, I started to get more and more tired again and with it, the loss of appetite returned. The days quickly got harder and harder so my Oncologist sent me for bloods and asked me to go and see her. The results were devastating. My CEA is now in the order of 700 and LDH (an indicator of cell death) is well up there, together indicating that my tumour growth has well and truly got going. She suggested we give chemo one last shot - starting immediately - in an attempt to slow down the cancer growth. So on Wednesday, I did what I had said I wouldn't do, and I had some more chemo, knowing the odds of it working are only in the order of 20%. But desperate times call for desperate measures and things are really starting to feel desperate.

I went to see my Oncologist last Wednesday feeling crappy, and came out feeling twice as crappy thanks to the chemo. I have been bed and couch bound since Tuesday last week, although managed to pick the kids up from school today and have been upright all day. I fear this is as good as things are going to get for me now, and the time is now upon us to have the most difficult conversation of our lives - to tell our beautiful little kiddies that Mum isn't going to be around much longer  :(