It's hard to believe it has been 8 weeks since I last updated my blog. The main reason for this is that there hasn't been a heck of a lot to report, and that's kinda good news given my current situation.
A few weeks ago I had a rough patch and ended up spending a couple of days in bed. I was extremely tired, began getting tumour pain, had an achy back and was beginning to feel that this was just how it was going to be from now on. My Oncologist sent me for weekly bloods, put me on a week of steroids and ordered another CT scan. After about a day on the steroids I began to feel much better and the tiredness eased a bit. My appetite had been pretty minimal and this picked up again. The next week was much better and I felt a huge sense of relief that things weren't so bad after all.
Since then things have been ok on the whole. More often than not I struggle with tiredness in the afternoons and evenings, and have a few niggles here and there but don't have too much to complain about.
I had the CT scan a couple of weeks ago and that showed that my three liver tumours have been growing slowly (perhaps even slower than expected) but there hasn't been any further spread. All good.
I am finding the concept of "no further treatment" an odd one to live with, at least mentally. Knowing that something is growing inside you that is going to kill you but doing nothing about it other than treating the symptoms feels very strange. I seem to flick between total acceptance (my usual state) into wee bursts of "argh surely there is something that can be done!?!" but these moments are fortunately short lived. I understand science enough to know that this is it, and acceptance is a much healthier and tolerable mental state than running around trying to solve an unsolvable problem. I trust my team of health professionals and trust that if there was anything that could be done, it would be.
Back to making the most of the good days and enjoying my kids, husband, friends and family for as long as I possibly can.
